Sunday, 14 October 2012

THE THANKFULNESS AND HEALING CONNECTION

Every day of our lives has meaning, even if we do not find it or see it clearly at first. Light and the first step we take every morning implies a deep comprehension when we stop to meditate about it, about each decision we make and action in our daily habits. Even habits are part of something we choose to do and not do anymore, eventually.

As we gain awareness that all simple things and circumstances happen due to our own influence, then we are capable of regaining all the power we are given as we are born. Only then we are able to conduct our lives towards higher goals without forgetting who we are and accept it in total humility.

Awareness brings health in every sense. In our body, yet it is our mind that can start it. The inverse process can bring the same results, only that we need to be prepared and open to experience all the changes that come along with that choice, too. I mean when we start practicing a physical and energetic discipline, like Yoga, our body will be able to comprehend better and faster whichever influence that leads our mind into a new shape, a new form of acting, thinking, feeling...living. And finally just observing.

One way we can all start our path in awareness is by Thanking for every single thing and event in our lives, because we are all the ones that make them happen without noticing, blinded by the veil of giving away our will power and our right to choose.

"Thank you because I can open my eyes and see the new day come to me, and experience myself within it. Thank you for letting me wake up and all the learnings of this day I am about to have. Thank you for letting me be a teacher for some, as well. Thank you for my beautiful body, because it is healthy and complete. Thank you for making me responsible of taking care of my body, my temple...the most sacred place on Earth I will ever live in and pray. Thank you for I can share all my knowledge with those eager to learn, thank you for making them open their own minds and be humble enough to teach others and share light and transform it into wisdom for all. Thank you because I am you and you are me and we are all connected and One. Thank you for making my body a spiritual perfect machine to love and be loved. Thank you for all the blessings in my life and making me worth of them all."

And we are manifesting to the Universe and being One with all of it. So, indeed we are thanking ourselves and all the elements that surround us; Mother Earth, water, fire, metal, air, etc. Because WE ARE ALL THAT!

Begin thanking...and heal.

Bada Dill

Thursday, 21 June 2012

WHERE LOVE SHOULD BE

"IT IS TIME
IT IS TIME
TO FACE THE TRUTH
TO FINALLY FIND
WHAT IS REALLY WORTH
WHAT REALLY MATTERS
LOVE AT HAND
YOUR LOVING HANDS
THE ENDLESS MEMORY
OF YOUR PRECIOUS PRESENCE IN MY LIFE
TO FACE THE TRUTH OF MY LIES
WHEN I USED TO WHISPER TO MYSELF
LOVE AND THE ROMANCE
AND SHOUT DREAMLESSLY AT YOU
WHEN I KEPT YOUR VOICE ALIVE
INSIDE INSIDE
MY HEART DWELLING IN PEACE
AND THE QUIET OF YOUR LOVE
NOW LYING IN SILENCE
IN PAIN
WITHIN YOU
SHUT DOWN
IN A PRISON OF REPENTANCE
AND YEARNING FOR IT AGAIN.

IT IS TIME
IT IS TIME
TO FACE MYSELF IN THE MIRROR
AND IMAGINE I SEE YOU IN MY EYES
WISHING YOU WERE HERE
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
FOR A KISS GOODBYE
BUT REALISE

I REALISE
I HAVE NONE
AND NO ONE
THE OTHER HALF OF MY INDIVIDUALITY
WILL ALWAYS LIVE WITH YOU
AND I WILL WALK
SEEMINGLY COMPLETE
TAKING THE OPPORTUNITY OF HEAVY  RAINS
TO CRY
TO CRY
SO THAT NO ONE SHARES MY PAIN
FOR IT IS ONLY MINE
AS I AM YOURS
ALWAYS HAVE
FOREVER WILL
SHED A TEAR FOR ME PLEASE
EVERY NOW AND THEN
SO I CAN FEEL LESS LONELY FOR SOME INSTANTS
AND WE FEEL TOGETHER AGAIN
IN TEARS
WILL YOU PLEASE STAY?
WILL YOU PLEASE STAY?
THIS IS WHAT YOU BEGGED
WILL YOU PLEASE REMEMBER ME?
WILL YOU PLEASE REMEMBER WHO I AM?
ASIAN MEMORIES
AT HAND
THIS IS WHAT I PRAY
AS I DID IN PACHMARI
TO BE ABLE TO DREAM AGAIN
I SHALL RETURN AND WALK UP THAT MOUNTAIN TOP
TO REMEMBER BEAUTY IN MY LIFE
I SHALL BRING THE TRIDENT WE NEVER DID
THE PROMISE I NEVER ACCOMPLISHED
TO COMPREHEND
YOU WERE ALWAYS MY HOME
AND I ALWAYS LOVED YOU
I ALWAYS WILL
TILL MY LIFE IS GONE
AND MY LAST BREATH CRIES YOUR NAME
THE TRUE LOVE
MY BASHERTA
MY ALL
IT IS TIME
IT IS TIME
TO FACE THE TRUTH
THIS IS: MY LIFE LIES IN YOUR HANDS
BECAUSE I TRUST YOU. "

J.C.

Thursday, 14 June 2012

CONFUSION IS NEVER A HEALTHY CHOICE

It leads to indecision all the time.People who take ages to decide the simplest things in life, where to live, whom to love and what they want in their life time. And I am just mentioning some very important decisions in life,not the rest of the "little" or "petty" ones we face each day!

Health is a compound of body-mind-spirit joint together for us to live well,therefore to die well,too.

Organic Tomatoes of Dominican Republic
Confusion, I believe, has to do with the mind. It is very simple, it works like food in our system. There is food that nourishes you and food that poisons you. When you get food that nourishes you totally,your body thanks you by being healthy and becoming stronger for the times that you will require to fight against an illness. On the contrary,when you fill your body with poisonous elements that do not give you any real nourishment, then your body responds by getting constantly ill and all sorts of aches and diseases come to you and settle there like a home...until you decide to change it otherwise, of course.

Same thing happens with our thoughts. Since we are part of the animal kingdom, we tend to develop habits, too. We are trained into making our thoughts a habit by several means, one of them considered to be the most relevant: our parents or our growing atmosphere. This training can find a fruitful field in our minds, and as little children we can fight back with everything we've got, but because it is the "adult" world that "knows better" we generally tend to lose, so we learn to manipulate, and this becomes a habit. I am talking about a constant "normal" atmosphere in a family, not an evolved one, which exists yet it is very rare and beautiful. So manipulation becomes the first "trick" of the unevolved mind.

On the other hand, there is a human being who has been nurtured, touched, educated and treated completely with love in all aspects, knowing there are natural laws that rule our existence, therefore comprehending (not "understanding" for there is no need to stand under any law but just commit to the natural world) that we are part of this planet and laws that exist to maintain the balance of our own lives. This one is an evolved human being, not a person who has put on masks all their lifetime in order to survive. A human being who has really lived, and who lives along accepting the changes of vibration every single second in this world. A human being that accepts life itself for what it is: a beautiful learning experience, a school.

And because we are in a school and there are teachers and apprentices all the time and we are all one of them at a time, plus we are magnets attracting those we need to learn from or to teach; these two: the person and the evolved human being will collide. This is definite.

Yet, confusion will show up more likely in the person rather than the evolved human being. You see, because I honestly think that the person believes in good and evil, whereas the evolved human beings believe in what is and change, and energy, and opportunity to make miracles happen, even though sadness, fear and attachment might come in between to startle the world of the most stable human being in the world.

Bada Dill
The emotions created and that affect directly our existence will appear during this time of confusion, augmenting it if we do not breathe.

Love and light, the only answers ever.

Keep breathing!

Bada Dill

Sunday, 6 May 2012

MATURITY EQUALS NOT CHRONOLOGIC AGE

I was giving a lesson on Ayurvedic philosophy to some massage therapists in Dominican Republic, talking about Chakras and Nadis and some other introductory aspects of this Indian tradition. When I was mentioning the fact of energy as a base of every single thing in life and Earth,one of them raised her hand. I was saying that even the moment of conception of a new human being when the couple are having sex is charged with a lot of energy,the mind, the heart, the emotion and many other things come to act as catalizers of what's going to be the atmosphere, the environment of the new being...since they are conceived, precisely because it is energy that is always present.

What the girl had to say was that she felt her mother loved more her sister than her, and she believed that probably she was an unwanted child. Tears came to her eyes so naturally connected to her deep sadness at the thought of it:being unwanted. So I started thinking that all these theories and ancient philosophies and knowledge of life, which most probably are based on observation through the years, must be indeed right.

One thing I find fascinating in life is curiosity. This eagerness to know, to find out, to get to "the" truth. By nature itself I believe we own this curiosity independently of our environment,it does exist and if have the opportunity we will exert that feature in us human beings;and I thank not being a feline for I know it will not kill me.
Bada Dill in Corsica

Something that implies the Chakras, as well is the fact that they all simbolize and have a meaning in our life. Something I said,too was that the Chakra of the throat, Vishuddha, drives our expression and is connected to the sexual Chakra (Swadhistana) in terms of our power to create.

So, one is the moment of conception, and another aspect of our formation is the years of formation and education,for even inside the womb we are being all the time bombed by all sorts of messages and communication from our mother and the rest of the world, including our father if he is around. Psychological, emotional and physical communication that fuse with each other to make a final statement in the way we are to be in this world.

It is proven that the human brain requires touch to develop faster,it requires to be loved. On the other hand I believe that if we go to the other extreme, when there is violence and no signs of love during the growth of fetus and child, the brain will still develop faster because it is our natural instinct to survive once we have gained enough "experience" in life.

This signifies that our environment, whichever it is, will have an impact in our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual growth in life. This are some of the reasons I think we can differenciate clearly the mature from the immature: Peace of mind, quiet and happy spirit, capability to enjoy the present and acceptance of change; and most important, love, always love.

It depends on our choice and how we decide to evolve or not, based on experience once we gained consciousness of our situation, meaning we need to know where we stand,and gain awareness of that to be able to move on, to continue walking forward in our path...the path we choose to follow. This is why there is a great disparity and inexactness when we meet someone who is 45 years old and call them a "mature" person. First of all because of ignorance, we do not know the choices this person made to survive and live; secondly because no matter how many years pass by, if a person decides to stay stuck in one painful experience and chooses to fill themselves with anger and fear, they will spend the rest of their lifetime in that phase, and be a helpless child even in their late 60's. Unless they decide to flow with the waves of change...accepting them to the extreme being aware that they will be in deep cleansing due to spiritual growth.

Rainbow in Punta Cana. Photo by Bada Dill
This is what people say sometimes: "He/she is like a child!" or "Do not be childish!" We tend to say that of people who are totally funny,"cute" or totally a nuissance. Yet, we forget that many actual children can surprise us with their knowledge of life and their sense of it and their awareness regardless of their age. Relativity rules our lifetime. Then it is fair to say that the basis of growth in all those aspects of our essence (not personnae) in spirituality leads our lives and it is not until we come to comprehend and adopt that body of knowledge that we can, in reality, grow as a human being, and enjoy life no matter what the circumstances are; because if we reach that state of peace of mind and happy loving heart, that "bad" environment ceases to exist, those circumstances that "life itself brought upon us" are no more.Then we can become observants, able to tell the difference between what is true (Love) and what we have created ourselves due to our painful experience and repetition or recalling of those memories,brought to our present,in order to break that karmic chain in our family itself.

We are walking physically-developed children, sometimes pretending to be adults, or craving to become mature.

The real change comes from within ourselves, even a child can understand that one!

Keep breathing!

Bada Dill

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

ROMANTIC LOVE...NOT REAL LOVE

I was listening to a a very interesting woman talk about Romantic Love and what drives it. This was Dr. Helen Fisher,a very respected and famous Biological anthropologist who was giving a public talk about  results of some of the most important questions of humans: why do we fall in love? How do we choose "the one"? Etc.

She started talking about romantic love and quoted several poets on the topic to be able to illustrate more her research.She talked about suffering and how the brain makes dopamine when in pleasure and presence of the "loved one" and other chemicals when the opposite happens that make people suffer,instead.

Full Moon in Playa Blanca,Punta Cana.
I could not help in my mind having this thought of severing the idea of this "romantic" love to simply Love, which I have given the name of Real Love. And I comprehend that because of many questions in our lives such as: culture or social believes driven by ourselves along history, the influence of the education of our parents, and I even dare to say because of the feeling and the whole emotional world surrounding our conception of both our parents;we tend to think and feel in a certain way or one totally opposite to the one imposed to us.

When I was younger and let people influence me and the way I thought originally of something,especially Love, I remember suffering. I remember as well, the reading of so many books on poetry and having read the stanzas of Lord Byron, Shakespeare, Percy Bysshe Shelley and many other romantic novels by Goette, Octavio Paz,etc. The beauty in their words made me feel it was all right, and that "Romantic" love was life, and the fate of every single being in this planet. It made sense,living for love or dying for love, saving someone's life for love or killing for love!

But it is simply not the TRUTH. Even if it is repetitive generation after generation. Romantic love is just an idea we all decide to agree on.

I believe that "real" Love has nothing to do with attachment,or pain,or killing or dying for it. I simply do not believe in that. I believe in the mistake of Love for obsession, suicidal personal needs and masochistic and sadistic interests of people. But for other reasons. And reason is not a matter of the Heart.

The more I suffer, the farther I am from Love. This is what I think.

They say the evolution of human kind into love happened when we started having sexual intercourse face to face and we got to look into each other's eyes, which are considered to be very representative windows of the soul. Yet, the instinct of reproduction in men and women (one of the few places where equality really happens) is undeniable even if we have reached the Moon,or explored the endless stars space and come to observe galaxies that were not imaginable in our minds.

Still, love is a feeling, so deep that makes us do amazing things for the ones we love. Good things. Love does not hit, Love does not hate, Love does not kill, Love does not hurt anyone.

Bada Dill
What hurts is our education, misleading doctrines and the people who direct the "religious" institutions who promote the love of God (only a man personnae) and who, at the same time, promote fear and violence towards oneself.

What harms is possessiveness, pride, attachment and fear. What harms is indifference, the apathy of the ones who suffer violence and the ones that witness it without doing anything about it! Not real love. Romantic love, yes...perhaps. Because even the mention of the idea: Love, is not worth its true meaning when you talk about romance. The latter is just an idea imprinted in our minds along the years of novels ("romains" in its original French), folk songs of people who were suffering for "Love", poetry, and all art that reflected the pain those people were feeling. It is just that, a mental imprint that has taken all of us in its hands and does not let us go because we ourselves do not decide to leave it.

Suffering sometimes appears to be the one choice we enjoy.

Attachment makes a man kill a woman when she announces him that she does not want him anymore,not Love.
Possessiveness causes injuries in a woman when a man thinks he owns her and beats her up enough to stay alive, to continue abusing her eventually; not Love.

Love liberates...it does not imprison
Love gives pleasure...not harm
Love means being happy...not making someone else happy
Love means sharing the joy of Life and accepting Death consequently
Love reaches, Love dreams...Love is the Truth
Love is Energy...it vibrates, it changes, it flows ...Love is Beauty itself
Love is creation.

Keep loving,

Bada Dill


Sunday, 25 March 2012

THE ONE HEART OF THE MATTER

   It seems that we, human beings spend more time wondering why we are here, what our purpose and mission in this life is and talking about our lives and strikes of it to friends, relatives and sometimes even strangers in the hope of finding the answers we seek.

   We tend to see it all outside, we tend to seek for all those responses outside of us.We go and consult with palm readers, clairvoyants (which literally means "the one who sees clearly."), Tarot readers, etc. The only result of this is either a disappointment of human kind and less money in our pockets (the sensation of having wasted it) or a newly recharged ego when you believe all the beautiful things coming your way and the baby boys and girls you are going to have with the Blue prince of your life, the time you will have your beautiful house plus the dog, plus the car, blah, blah, blah.

   True fore-telling is totally false. We have to comprehend one thing: All events in our lives are the answers we find, not the ones we search, in the palm of our hands. Like electro-magnetic fields we live and walk our lives attracting to our path all sorts of circumstances and people to be able to progress. It is the aim of our lifetime.
Photo by Jose Cruz Carranza Castorena

Recently I came to know of a famous Mexican "palm-reader" who lives in Barcelona. His realistic vision of Quiromancy impressed me so much that I, for the first time, became interested in this ancient art of "knowing about the past and present traits marked by ourselves through experience,plus the potential we have to exploit our future possibilities."

The question then remains unanswered: When are we going to stop responsibilizing life itself for the experiences we choose to live,and the life we decide to lead?

Since time is our own invention,too,then most probably this is why that question will always remain vacant for someone to say just: I am doing it! I am living...not wondering what life is or what I live for!

Keep breathing!

Bada Dill

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

BEING HAPPY VS. MAKING SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY/ THE USELESSNESS OF TRYING TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY

"  He woke up to the tears and sobbing of his wife,who was sitting next to him in bed. 'Why does everybody move forward?' She said. She was crying and looking into her iphone. He sat up and asked her if she was ok,something that was pointless since obviously she wasn't. The next question was 'what's wrong?'

  She showed him on the screen the picture of a new born baby. 'This is his son,David's son with his wife...well his woman because they are not married yet, but they are getting married next June.' She did not try to hide away the pain she felt because of this event she saw on her new mail. This had been what he always wanted, and she always wanted,too. Now he had it,and she did not,and probably in her current situation she would never have it. The life she had refused to have because it did not make her happy, to be with her current husband.

She had recently gone through a pulmonary embolism and almost died. She was shopping in a local supermarket in Singapore and all of a sudden she felt she could not breathe and collapsed on the floor,totally scared...to death. Her husband was not with her. He was on the other side of the world working on a personal project he had achieved to get, for a spa that needed cohesion and equilibrium in the group and operation. All because he wanted to contribute to the couple's economy after almost 6 years without a proper job position that allowed him to earn a steady income and relieve the burden she had had for all those years. He did it to try to make her happy. And had totally failed.
Photo by Jose Cruz Carranza Castorena

He was successful in the project and his boss wanted to make him a partner of the company because his approach was superb and amazingly unique. Yet it did not make his wife happy. The fact that now she felt forced to follow him to the Caribbean to lead a life of being maintained and be dependent of his income, the fact that he had not taken this decision with her, as a couple, did not make her happy either. All along her life it had been so. She tried to make everyone happy,and failed in every attempt for in the end all of her ex boyfriends and ex fiancés got another girl, a better deal, not so complicated.

He thought he could do that,too. Make her happy. But it is pointless when you have an ideal in your mind and your beloved has another concept of it,even if it is the same goal, the difference is made in the the mind, and the mistake is to try to make someone else happy in order to be happy yourself. In the end of it all, the truth is that we can only share with others the happiness we feel in our hearts,away from whichever object of 'happiness' they try to sell to us in nice and happy shopping seasons we have ourselves invented; away from all the gestures and efforts of others to please us so that we can feel we have the attention we did not get when we were little; away from the selfishness of thinking we do deserve to be happy; away from just 'wanting' to be happy and 'wanting' to make someone else happy; away from comparing one's life to others' thinking that they are happier than us, that they have made it and we have not; away from viewing other people's lives and desiring to be them instead of looking in the mirror and wonder at how wonderful we are in reality, not in the reflection of the mirror itself.

Photo by Jose Cruz Carranza Castorena
Like waking up in the morning and getting up or staying in bed, we always choose to do something, even the pettiest things and details are a question of our own choice. Being happy is one simple choice. And I believe that by being truly happy we can simply fill our hearts and continue so all our lifetime doing good to ourselves and others. Because we can have the best intentions in trying to make someone else happy with the things that in our mind make us happy, but if the other person is not happy to begin with...there will be nothing you do that will change that. It will be just a momentaneous event, an instant, just a memory,and the next minute everything you've done to make them happy will be gone. It is useless to try to make anyone happy if they are not happy already.

Happiness is a state where body,mind,soul and spirit come together and share their essences with each other. Each one of them a complete sequence of happiness complementing each other,not making each other happy because it is pointless when everybody is happy with whom they are and what they do...not who they 'want' to be and what they 'want' to do. It is all born in ourselves. No one else owns that right.

In life, while we are alive we enjoy that right to be happy. In Death, I am not sure it is so."

Keep breathing,

Bada Dill






Sunday, 22 January 2012

WE CHOOSE BECAUSE OF WHAT WE LEARN

I was just lazying around at home in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic and thinking about something I had said before: "There many real yogis out there in the real world of the system we have created,who deal with things every day which the "yogis' in the mountains do not. I want to see those yogis come to a big city and walk in someone else's shoes for at least a week."

I think the result of that experiment would be interesting.

Then, while eating some oranges I had bought in the supermarket on the holiday of this country of the Virgin of Altagracia, something I never intended to be so, I realised about something else, and this time it had to do with work, with vocation and what we do in life.

"Every single one of us chooses to do what we are doing because we need to learn and we have essential lessons for our spiritual growth."  Nothing just happens, our jobs are not an event out of our control or desire or need,they are all seeked for by our mind for subconsciously we all share the need to evolve and transcend.

I am not a healer and massage therapist out of no reason. I chose this path because of my need to heal myself. Scientists choose to be that because they need to find answers,the answers of the universe in one small particle. Engineers probably have the need and the vocation to invent and construct things; architects have the drive to create and design most probably because they need to be part of this wonderful design that is the world. Drivers,waiters,managers,etc. All of the jobs we have created in this system of ours exist because of our basic needs, especially made by ourselves. And our basic needs are spiritual,nothing else is. Even for the ones who have their own companies, the approach and whatever they sell has to do with a spiritual growth and drive to reach that point that cannot even be conceived.

Like a friend of my boss who has a franchise of "Life is Good" company, or my own boss who started the project of the spa where people come to relax and have a nice time;like me who came here to work with him because of the values he has and the need to heal the whole group working for him...starting with me and my own essence. There is nothing we choose to do that is random or hazardous,it all has a direct connection with our deep selves.

I have chose to write to be able to understand and give way to all these thoughts, which if they remain trapped in my mind then I comprehend that I would not be giving back to mother Earth in exchange for all the blessings she and the whole Universe has given me,starting with the power of choice...the beginning of the Power of One.

Keep breathing,

Bada Dill

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

WHEN TIME AND PLACE COINCIDE IN OUR MINDS

I'd better say "Whichever you ask or demand for,in any shape and way will come to you, you only will be required to be prepared for it, otherwise you will not appreciate it, and it will just go away." This does not mean it will not come back to you, if you really mean it from the heart, you will always come across it again.

It's like giving a two year-old child whose size is only fit for a their age, clothing that fits a four or 1 year-old. They are not prepared for it. And depending on how small or how big the clothing is, one is going to appreciate it more and the other will suffer it more.

Time to add Goddess to God to make it really balanced, for God is just an incomplete idea without the instinct to create that comes more naturally from women,and Mother Earth. Welcome every moment of your life with this in mind and you will find yourself taking care of this planet that has given us everything to exist and co-exist in Love and Peace. Stop the conflict in your mind and start doing something to save this Earth that loves us!

We waste so much time thinking of what could be, the potential of things and circumstances, we read so many books about personal growth and go to so many courses led by the authors of those books...yet we FAIL TO ACT! Yet, we fail to make a plan, to design our future in our minds, and in paper, expecting that all the results and circumstances will be manipulated by some divine power,which exists of course, but cannot "act" on our behalf. Otherwise what would there be to learn about our power to change things, and save ourselves without giving that power to anyone else? The potential is always there,inside,in our minds. Potential means "to be able to", related to power, thus energy to act,to chage things. Why are we so obssessed with the ideo of possessing things and people.

The obsession ends when we get to understand that we ourselves are impermanent, then of course the rest of the things, property, cars, and junk that we amass along the years and we own are finite as well. It is when we liberate those things from the prison of our minds that we are truly set free, and in that bliss of emptiness we find a rich field to sow the seeds of success,love,things we can own for as long as we live,and the unattachment to all of the above!

I spent so long obsessed with getting a job to be able to accomplish things and buy stuff and be able to give presents to my wife, buy a travel package for her, that is the end I did not reach that goal. Why? Because I was to care for her, not the things I 'wanted" to get for her. Happiness is closer than we think, and it is cost free. I had my wife by my side supporting me all the way, caring for me, working hard to give me support in my projects and my job search,yet I gave her a bad time sometimes worrying about not getting what I wanted. But all I wanted was to make her happy! But this was wrong, because I was really making her unhappy with my attitude and obsession.

Truth is, that we can share happiness with others. We cannot make anyone happy because happiness is a state of mind and communion with the Earth and nature that have allowed us to develop and exist,even the nature of birth marks the path to happiness. WE CAN ONLY SHARE OUR HAPPINESS WITH OTHERS! When we try to make someone else happy we might lose scope of who they really are,because what I think makes my wife happy,indeed is something that makes me happy.

Why? Precisely because of impermanence,because of the natural law of change in everything, in life, in nature. What my wife likes today she might not like tomorrow. It can be anything,colours, tastes, textures, smells,etcetera. There is no other law but the impermanence and constant change in everything.

One more thing, why are we always so defensive?

I understand that together we are ONE,and of course stronger. To be together with the one you have chosen to love is bliss,and nothing else is worth it if you have to sever.

In the end of it all, what lingers in time and space is knowledge.Of things and people.
Keep breathing!