Wednesday, 8 February 2012

BEING HAPPY VS. MAKING SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY/ THE USELESSNESS OF TRYING TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY

"  He woke up to the tears and sobbing of his wife,who was sitting next to him in bed. 'Why does everybody move forward?' She said. She was crying and looking into her iphone. He sat up and asked her if she was ok,something that was pointless since obviously she wasn't. The next question was 'what's wrong?'

  She showed him on the screen the picture of a new born baby. 'This is his son,David's son with his wife...well his woman because they are not married yet, but they are getting married next June.' She did not try to hide away the pain she felt because of this event she saw on her new mail. This had been what he always wanted, and she always wanted,too. Now he had it,and she did not,and probably in her current situation she would never have it. The life she had refused to have because it did not make her happy, to be with her current husband.

She had recently gone through a pulmonary embolism and almost died. She was shopping in a local supermarket in Singapore and all of a sudden she felt she could not breathe and collapsed on the floor,totally scared...to death. Her husband was not with her. He was on the other side of the world working on a personal project he had achieved to get, for a spa that needed cohesion and equilibrium in the group and operation. All because he wanted to contribute to the couple's economy after almost 6 years without a proper job position that allowed him to earn a steady income and relieve the burden she had had for all those years. He did it to try to make her happy. And had totally failed.
Photo by Jose Cruz Carranza Castorena

He was successful in the project and his boss wanted to make him a partner of the company because his approach was superb and amazingly unique. Yet it did not make his wife happy. The fact that now she felt forced to follow him to the Caribbean to lead a life of being maintained and be dependent of his income, the fact that he had not taken this decision with her, as a couple, did not make her happy either. All along her life it had been so. She tried to make everyone happy,and failed in every attempt for in the end all of her ex boyfriends and ex fiancés got another girl, a better deal, not so complicated.

He thought he could do that,too. Make her happy. But it is pointless when you have an ideal in your mind and your beloved has another concept of it,even if it is the same goal, the difference is made in the the mind, and the mistake is to try to make someone else happy in order to be happy yourself. In the end of it all, the truth is that we can only share with others the happiness we feel in our hearts,away from whichever object of 'happiness' they try to sell to us in nice and happy shopping seasons we have ourselves invented; away from all the gestures and efforts of others to please us so that we can feel we have the attention we did not get when we were little; away from the selfishness of thinking we do deserve to be happy; away from just 'wanting' to be happy and 'wanting' to make someone else happy; away from comparing one's life to others' thinking that they are happier than us, that they have made it and we have not; away from viewing other people's lives and desiring to be them instead of looking in the mirror and wonder at how wonderful we are in reality, not in the reflection of the mirror itself.

Photo by Jose Cruz Carranza Castorena
Like waking up in the morning and getting up or staying in bed, we always choose to do something, even the pettiest things and details are a question of our own choice. Being happy is one simple choice. And I believe that by being truly happy we can simply fill our hearts and continue so all our lifetime doing good to ourselves and others. Because we can have the best intentions in trying to make someone else happy with the things that in our mind make us happy, but if the other person is not happy to begin with...there will be nothing you do that will change that. It will be just a momentaneous event, an instant, just a memory,and the next minute everything you've done to make them happy will be gone. It is useless to try to make anyone happy if they are not happy already.

Happiness is a state where body,mind,soul and spirit come together and share their essences with each other. Each one of them a complete sequence of happiness complementing each other,not making each other happy because it is pointless when everybody is happy with whom they are and what they do...not who they 'want' to be and what they 'want' to do. It is all born in ourselves. No one else owns that right.

In life, while we are alive we enjoy that right to be happy. In Death, I am not sure it is so."

Keep breathing,

Bada Dill