Wednesday, 18 April 2012

ROMANTIC LOVE...NOT REAL LOVE

I was listening to a a very interesting woman talk about Romantic Love and what drives it. This was Dr. Helen Fisher,a very respected and famous Biological anthropologist who was giving a public talk about  results of some of the most important questions of humans: why do we fall in love? How do we choose "the one"? Etc.

She started talking about romantic love and quoted several poets on the topic to be able to illustrate more her research.She talked about suffering and how the brain makes dopamine when in pleasure and presence of the "loved one" and other chemicals when the opposite happens that make people suffer,instead.

Full Moon in Playa Blanca,Punta Cana.
I could not help in my mind having this thought of severing the idea of this "romantic" love to simply Love, which I have given the name of Real Love. And I comprehend that because of many questions in our lives such as: culture or social believes driven by ourselves along history, the influence of the education of our parents, and I even dare to say because of the feeling and the whole emotional world surrounding our conception of both our parents;we tend to think and feel in a certain way or one totally opposite to the one imposed to us.

When I was younger and let people influence me and the way I thought originally of something,especially Love, I remember suffering. I remember as well, the reading of so many books on poetry and having read the stanzas of Lord Byron, Shakespeare, Percy Bysshe Shelley and many other romantic novels by Goette, Octavio Paz,etc. The beauty in their words made me feel it was all right, and that "Romantic" love was life, and the fate of every single being in this planet. It made sense,living for love or dying for love, saving someone's life for love or killing for love!

But it is simply not the TRUTH. Even if it is repetitive generation after generation. Romantic love is just an idea we all decide to agree on.

I believe that "real" Love has nothing to do with attachment,or pain,or killing or dying for it. I simply do not believe in that. I believe in the mistake of Love for obsession, suicidal personal needs and masochistic and sadistic interests of people. But for other reasons. And reason is not a matter of the Heart.

The more I suffer, the farther I am from Love. This is what I think.

They say the evolution of human kind into love happened when we started having sexual intercourse face to face and we got to look into each other's eyes, which are considered to be very representative windows of the soul. Yet, the instinct of reproduction in men and women (one of the few places where equality really happens) is undeniable even if we have reached the Moon,or explored the endless stars space and come to observe galaxies that were not imaginable in our minds.

Still, love is a feeling, so deep that makes us do amazing things for the ones we love. Good things. Love does not hit, Love does not hate, Love does not kill, Love does not hurt anyone.

Bada Dill
What hurts is our education, misleading doctrines and the people who direct the "religious" institutions who promote the love of God (only a man personnae) and who, at the same time, promote fear and violence towards oneself.

What harms is possessiveness, pride, attachment and fear. What harms is indifference, the apathy of the ones who suffer violence and the ones that witness it without doing anything about it! Not real love. Romantic love, yes...perhaps. Because even the mention of the idea: Love, is not worth its true meaning when you talk about romance. The latter is just an idea imprinted in our minds along the years of novels ("romains" in its original French), folk songs of people who were suffering for "Love", poetry, and all art that reflected the pain those people were feeling. It is just that, a mental imprint that has taken all of us in its hands and does not let us go because we ourselves do not decide to leave it.

Suffering sometimes appears to be the one choice we enjoy.

Attachment makes a man kill a woman when she announces him that she does not want him anymore,not Love.
Possessiveness causes injuries in a woman when a man thinks he owns her and beats her up enough to stay alive, to continue abusing her eventually; not Love.

Love liberates...it does not imprison
Love gives pleasure...not harm
Love means being happy...not making someone else happy
Love means sharing the joy of Life and accepting Death consequently
Love reaches, Love dreams...Love is the Truth
Love is Energy...it vibrates, it changes, it flows ...Love is Beauty itself
Love is creation.

Keep loving,

Bada Dill